Digging Deeper

I’m not exactly sure how to express it, but I’ve been feeling really discouraged lately. The Lord has provided so much over the past few months, and I am truly grateful—but these last few weeks have felt so unfruitful. Life feels kind of mundane and empty. It’s as if my mind is refusing to let me see the bigger picture—even though there are so many good things taking place in my life currently.

I’ve seen all the ways God has provided for me. I have no doubt that He is real or capable of the impossible. My doubt comes more from the fear that I’m the one who’s incapable—incapable of experiencing and connecting with God as deeply as other people do.

I find myself constantly asking the Lord this question:

What am I doing wrong?

I’m sure you’ve asked that question at some point too. Like me, you’ve probably doubted yourself and your heart’s posture toward the Lord. It feels like I’m gaslighting myself. Am I really a Christian? Am I truly doing all of this because I want to know the Lord, or am I doing it for personal gain? Am I doing enough? Am I the reason why I feel so disconnected?

Despite all these questions, I do know this one truth: God’s character and power are not defined by my feelings. Even though I feel distant and worry that my efforts to draw near to God aren’t enough, I am still showing up—praying and reading my Bible through this drought, trusting that God will meet me in His timing. I hold onto the truth that God is faithful and draws near to us when we draw near to Him. I see that I am actively trying, and I choose to believe that my effort doesn’t go unnoticed—even when it feels like it does. That’s what faith is, friends: the assurance of things hoped for but not yet seen. When we’re in a drought, God wants us not to let our hearts be troubled, but to put our trust in Him. He’s asking us to keep choosing to show up for our date with Him, even if it feels like we’ve been stood up. God’s presence isn’t defined by our feelings. Reflect on all the ways He’s provided for you in the past and choose to keep seeking, even if your faith feels dry. God is still sitting right across from you. Friends, show up—even if. Where can you show up for God today, even if you don’t feel like it?

Jesus loves you and so do I,

-Malia