“17 When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. 18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit”.
Psalm 34: 17-18
I want to start off this blog by sharing this simple truth with ya’ll: God is so good—I am not saying this to just say it, but I now truly feel it in my core. I want to share something with you. Before I launched my blog, I decided to start writing some sample entries. I was in an extremely low place and there was a particular time that my breakup was really getting to me, so I turned on my laptop and just started typing out how I was feeling. Here was my short entry:
“Breakups are hard. It’s been almost three months and I feel that coping only continues to get more difficult as the days pass. I have my moments when I don’t think about him at all, but then all of a sudden the pain hits me like a brick wall. It hurts to know that he no longer loves me as I love him. Do I miss him? Or do I just miss how it felt to be loved by him–loved for being me? My heart aches when I think of him–even though I was the one who ended things. Why do I care if he still loves me? Why does it matter who he is choosing to love now? Why can’t I let go? Why do I crave to be loved by someone so deeply that my heart physically hurts and I feel the urge to puke? Why isn’t it enough that I am exquisitely and uniquely loved by God? Why can’t that be enough–can it be enough? Let’s look at this idea together–what it looks like to allow ourselves to be loved by God and for that love alone to be our main focus”.
Now, this isn’t quite the direction we’re going to be going in this post today, however, I want to share with and encourage ya’ll that in His timing, God has been healing my broken heart and revealing to me the purpose for my pain.
I wrote that short entry on February 5th—wow to me, it feels like ages ago. I’ve had other moments here and there since then where I”ve felt the same way, but I just continued to pray that the Lord would help heal my heart. I prayed that He would help me learn to rest in the truth of His love being enough and all that I need. For a couple months, my dreams also only consisted of this boy as well as some other friendships that ended pretty horribly—which wasn’t helping my pain and state of depression. I trusted that the Lord, in His timing, would deliver me from these things—but I still had to endure the pain before He was able to truly reveal to me His love, His goodness, His grace—and what purpose my pain held.
One night as I was laying in bed (still thinking of this boy and having a really hard time), I prayed that God would help me not dream about him that night and that I could truly start to accept it in my heart that we were over and that I was better off. I don’t even know how to explain it, but ya’ll…it was amazing. Instantly I just felt this peace I’ve never felt before—I felt the Lord say to me, “I’m right here, you’re going to be okay. You made the right choice; trust that I will provide”. I felt a shift in my heart; something clicked. The weight of my heartbreak and need for closure lifted off my shoulders and I believe in that exact moment I encountered God in a way that I have never once in my life experienced. I just knew without a doubt, that in this moment, my heart and soul accepted my breakup—I knew that I’d never be the same afterward. I shared my testimony with ya’ll in a previous blog post, however, I truly believe that this moment is where my new life in Christ started. The next morning I was showering and I couldn’t help but just start praising the Lord—without this breakup, without my su!c!dal thoughts and state of depression that I had been in for so long, I wouldn’t have been able to finally encounter God in a way that I have always prayed for. I needed my pain so that I could finally grow.
Now, friends, I can’t promise you when your breakthrough moment will come—it took me twenty years—but I want to encourage you that God’s timing is beautiful and perfect. I want to encourage ya’ll to trust that God will provide in your current circumstances and that our pain has purpose. Our lowest moments are needed for our greatest breakthroughs—that’s what the Lord has been teaching me recently. Without me hitting my very lowest a few months ago, my heart wouldn’t be in the posture and condition that it is in now—I wouldn’t have experienced God in the way that I did. I had to go through my heartbreak in order to see just how amazing and faithful the Lord is—that He is all my heart needs and desires. He will provide for you too—He is right by your side; you don’t have to go through your pain alone. Let God’s embrace comfort you today, and don’t give up the hope you have for healing—I promise your time for healing will come, just keep trusting, keep praying, and keep persevering.
God loves you and so do I,
-Malia
Digging Deeper 
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